I had a very hard time accepting a diagnosis of a disease that had just cost me my Father. I probably went through all the psychological states that a newly diagnosed cancer patient goes through.
Grief
I had just mourned for a lost parent and now I found myself grieving for ME! I wasn’t dead but I had no life ahead of me. No matter what a person’s IQ, education, economic status, grief can strike anyone. Flashbacks of my life and the things I had done; riding motorcycles with an outlaw motorcycle club, buying and driving fast cars, the view from the top of a 14,000 ft mountain into the valleys below, the sun rise as viewed from the bottom of the Grand Canyon, offroad racing across the Chapalla Sea in Mexico, surfing on the Pacific. I cried and wept for myself and my lost future.
Denial
” I can’t have this! This is for old timers and people exposed like forever” This one required some serious time and some serious discussions with medical professionals. I had gone through my dying Father’s last months and I can tell you death from having no lungs to breathe with and chronic problems with breaking ribs just by coughing is not a pleasurable event. Drugs to kill the pain – Morphine by the Mason jar full – side reactions to the radiation treatments, side effects of drugs that required more drugs. A downward spiral that wears out the entire family.
“I can’t put my new wife through what we just went through!”. This, in hindsight, was a very great disservice to the character and strengths of my spouse. I believe that I did some damage to our relationship that took many years to recover from.
Anger
A person diagnosed with a disease that cannot be cured and only the symptoms can be treated, gets REALLY mad at life. “Don’t tell me to exercise! I can’t even breathe yet alone do exercises.” [ fill in more to come]
Depression
This is a long term problem for ALL people with terminal debilitating diseases. I have to tell you that within the hardhat community the suicide rate for us that have been diagnosed is SIGNIFICANTLY higher than for the general public. I attribute this to seeing the steady debilitation of peers and the number of funerals involved in the small populations of asbestos workers. Remember the survival rate is zero. Not much to ward off the “Ghost of Christmas Future” syndrome. This is the “Is this all I have to look forward to?” feeling.
Acceptance
This often takes years and sometimes counseling and support group involvement.I will address each of these sections with comments about how they apply to my own case. I am somewhat of anomaly having survived this many years after diagnosis. I was given 2 to 5 years left in 1981. I’m still here. Well, some of me anyway. I’m almost exactly 50% of the weight I was in 1975 and 100 pound less than 1980.
