Do Dreams Matter?

The Dream

For several years I have been having a single reoccurring dream of what appears to be a portion of my real house that only I know exists. The details of the dream have been quite vivid and consistent over the years. There is no consistency to when the dream occurs. I have never figured out a triggering event, book I’m reading, something on TV or the web. I awoke during the night of March 27th, 2007 with the most vivid recollection of the place I alone go to. Thus begins my narrative. It should be noted in passing that the only common element to my dream is that I am gasping for breath when I awake, as if I had not been breathing or had been holding my breath during these singular nocturnal sojourns. It always starts with opening a closet door that does not exist in our house and encountering the stairs.

The Stairs

Impossibly steep, architecturally impossible, only slightly wider than a linen closet, they appear to go up at least 3 or 4 floors – which would have them end well beyond the existing roof of our house. Looking back from near the top only the suggestion of the real house floor exists. Our large Labrador retriever appears as an ant on a sidewalk. Never has she or any of the animals accompanied me on these journeys which is odd, since she is my dog by adoption.

Solid wood stairs highly polished and highly waxed to a dark shine. They appear darker than the lavish solid wood paneling on both walls. No adornments or railings are placed on the walls and they seem to exhibit careful craftsmanship in their execution.

On many nights, I have soundlessly climbed these stairs and always arrive at the same point – a landing room approximately 12 feet deep from the ending of the stairs and comprising approximately 20 feet in visible width.

The Landing

Directly ahead and somewhat to the left at the top of the stairs is a curtained window with a built in lounging area. There is what appears to be a thin mattress like a futon pad on the bench with a cover of a brownish patterned heavy cloth, like tapestry cloth. The bench is about the size of a large cot but smaller than a twin bed. I get a warm feeling that this is an area to sit and not to sleep although it is adorned with full width pillows at each end.

To the left of the window has always been an elevator lift like something from the Edwardian era, open wire worked cab with ornate wrought iron gate and supports. Not heavy looking but light and ethereal looking. I have ridden that elevator before and know that it only goes to a cavernous basement with no intermediate floor stops.

To the right of the window seat is a large set of built-in over sized lawyer’s bookshelves, each with its own top hinged door and glass rising from floor to above eye level. I know not the height of the ceiling in this mysterious mansion since I do not recall ever looking up. Nor have I ever looked at myself. The entire landing floor is of solid wood, with paneling and rich with architectural wood details. All the living areas appear to be almost nautical in their use of fine woods and wood details. The landing is a warm and inviting place in spite of being entirely wood and having only the one window with curtain that is always drawn. The curtain seems to be of heavy lace with no discernible pattern. There is neither light nor dark visible behind the curtain. At times the lawyer’s bookshelves are closed and contain only books, but on at least one instance, one or more of the doors are open and the interior contents more visible. One time two of the shelves were open and filled with what appeared to be board games or model kits of fantasy subjects. When the doors are open there is feeling of having just missed another person, although there have never been any other people in the rooms during my silent visits.

Continuing to the right is a set of about 2 or 3 stairs or raised areas leading up around the corner to the right. These steps or level changes lead to a large child’s room.

The Child’s Room

The child’s room appears to be about three to four feet above the level of the landing. I know it is a child’s room because of the decor. Although the rich warm wood walls and built-ins continue as throughout the other rooms, in this room there is a small plastic bed – toddler sized – bigger than a crib but smaller than a twin bed. The plastic somehow doesn’t seem incongruous in this space. The walls again have the built in lawyer’s style bookcases and again are over sized, about two feet high and four feet wide, surely too large and heavy for child. The room has a board game spread out on the floor as if interrupted in mid game for a meal. Wooden toys of an expensive, antique formal nature are scattered around the room against walls and in the book cases. This room has a deep tan carpeting with extra padding underneath suggesting it is meant to be traversed without shoes. I have never seen any windows in the child’s room, but the lighting that comes from nowhere discernible throughout the rooms, is dimmed here, creating a warm and calming environment. I have never seen any pictures or wall lighting in any of the rooms and the child’s room contains neither.

Returning to the landing and looking to the left of where I come in is another paneled wall with three closed doors. Before the doors the landing turns to the left and again has the steps for a level change upwards. These steps lead up to another bedroom which for some reason feels like it’s mine.

The Other Bedroom – Mine(?)

Up the stairs and into this room one comes upon another tan carpet similar to all the rooms, with rich wood paneling and architectural details. No paintings or windows again in this room. Despite the lack of windows in any of the rooms, no sense of missing them exists. The child’s room and this room are completely open to the landing with neither wall nor door nor railing to define the space. How this illusion is propagated I do not know. It is also a large room as is the child’s. I get a feeling that they are as large as they need to be to hold the contents, neither too small, nor too large. It’s as if the rooms adjust to whatever is placed in them. The two rooms back to back are easily larger than the landing somehow. In this bedroom is a masculine looking single sized wooden bed with a deep mattress and coverlet that seems to be of a similar tapestry material to the window seat. The pillows are covered and the room is quite tidy. The walls appear to have built in drawers and doors like armoire doors on them. No full size doors are visible anywhere in the room and the only entrance seems to be from the open landing. Not as brightly illuminated as the landing or as dimmed as the child’s room, the lighting seems just right somehow. A warm sense of belonging welcomes me to this room. On several occasions I have lain upon the bed, without disturbing the coverlet and found it to be calming. A wooden nightstand is beside the bed but has nothing on it. A reading stand and leather chair are placed toward one corner. There are no lights or lamps within this room but the lighting never causes shadows or dark spaces. This is my favored space in my journey and I return to it alone often. I am often descending from here again to the landing and the 3 doors As I have mentioned, the left wall has three doors and I have opened and visited the middle one which leads to a spacious bathroom with whirlpool and sauna.

The Bathroom

The center door leads to a white tiled bathroom with a large deep whirlpool tub built in and a door leading to a sauna. The bath is all shimmering white tiles on floor and walls. No color of any kind breaks the flow of white. It is a disconcerting and vertiginous space because there is no apparent change from floor to wall. The raised tub, the sinks, and the stool are all tiled in a manner that makes them seem like optical illusions. Oddly there are no mirrors anywhere in the rooms and the bath is no exception. I have never had need to use these facilities while roaming. The tub is always full and the water always at a temperature to my liking. I have never used the tub either. Just as the bath is all white, the sauna is planked in aromatic cedar with raised wooden benches of the same wood. The sauna is always on when I visit the room as though someone had just left or others are there that can no more see me than I can see them.

It should be noted that the inside dimensions of the bathroom would appear to make it large enough that the other two landing doors should open into the bath also but they do not lead into here. Back to the landing and the two doors.

The Two Doors

Flanking the bathroom door at equal distances on each side are two additional doors. The are the same width and height as the bathroom door with the same decorative wood trim stained darker than the wall or door paneling. They have no discernible locks although one does resist every effort to open it. The door on the left opens and will be addressed shortly. The locked door on the right is near the gate to the elevator lift platform.

The Lift Platform

As mentioned earlier in passing, the lift appears to be comprised of decorative iron work, with an open platform measuring 4 feet by 4 feet with a domed overhead screen at the 7 foot level. As I have said, I have had occasion to ride this lift and it descends quietly to a basement level with no perceptible jostling or banging. It has decorative twisted iron sides and roof supports in each corner. The poured cement tunnel it traverses vertically is completely devoid of ornamentation and appears to be cast in a neutral brown color that harmonizes with the wood panels. No evidence of seams or irregularities exist, a perfectly square tube with no idea of what is supporting and guiding the lift platform. The ride in this lift seems interminable but quietly takes one to the basement.

The Basement

The basement is the antithesis of the upper rooms. One large vast open space with giant steel girders supporting the upper floor at a distance of at least 30 or 40 feet. It is a cavernous space that is difficult to see across. Dim lighting in my immediate area gives way to dark and foreboding space all around. Shadows of unseen and unrecognizable machinery of Brobdingnagian proportions cover large areas of the floor. This is the only space has has sound, a low guttural growling and banging of unrecognized machinery. If this room is to scale with the upper floor then there are many more rooms above than I have encountered. This space is easily large enough to house football fields. Far off in the distance is a lighted door. As I walk toward the door the darkness enfolds behind me and as I reach the door and it’s light, the darkness behind me is complete. Surprisingly, the door leads out onto a stone path with only a small thatched hut at the end The surrounding area is all flat parklike grass with no evidence of tree or structure to be seen anywhere. I have never yet followed that path to the hut. I always wake at point where I am just at the threshold of the door looking out. On occasion I turn and retrace my steps back to the elevator. The light appears as if a guide and arriving at the lift it takes me soundlessly and motionlessly back to the landing and the door to the unfinished space.

The Door to What Is To Come

The door on the left of the bathroom opens unto a vast featureless plane. It is unfinished. I have opened it on several occasions and on each expected some degree of change. Always I have been disappointed that the grey plane is non-changing. It has the same illumination from nowhere as the the other rooms but it has no point of reference. I cannot judge the scale of the space, whether small or large. It is like standing at the doorway of infinity. I have no feelings of foreboding like the basement, just a feeling of incompleteness and something right coming.